Mental Problems

I am the first to admit I have mental problems.  Nothing that’s professionally medicated or commit-able or harm-to-self-and-others type of mental problems, just your typical, run of the mill, what’s-the-meaning-of-life-and-why-are-we-here sort of stuff…and I haven’t felt this way since the Great Post-Marathon Depression of 2011.

And that, dear readers, is why I have not written a blog post in such a long time- my mind is consumed with where I am now in my life, where I am going, and trying to figure out what is actually important.  Being so in my head right now and somewhat confused about life has made it very hard to get my thoughts OUT there, so please forgive my absence as well as the following attempt to explain myself.

I have 2 kids, the oldest is in second grade and the youngest just started kindergarten this fall.  Now that they are in school full time, my job as a stay-at-home-mom is sorta kinda DONE.  Monday through Friday they go to school from 8am to 3:30pm.  After I drop them off in the morning, I go work out, go grocery shop, run errands, do laundry, clean the house… that’s about it until I pick them up at the end of the day.  Sure, they still need me to chauffeur them to swim class and martial arts but it really feels like they need me less… my importance as a mom is dwindling… the job I have had for the past 7 years has come to a close.

And if you are anything like my husband, I am sure you’re thinking, “Well then get a job!” And I agree!  I would like that.  Have you heard anything about our economy lately?  Yeah, well, getting a job right now is a LOT easier said than done.  But yes, I am applying and trying.

I brought this topic up with a few friends a couple weeks ago and their response was, “Oh we ALL go through that, Laura!”  However, none of these friends happened to have kids. Unless you have had a career, then stopped it to raise a family, and then decided to go back to it after 7 years, can you truly relate to my existential crisis.  I found worth and importance being a stay-at-home mom and providing for my family in that capacity.  Now that I am needed much less, I don’t feel nearly as important or useful and that is just a tad… okay, honestly… it’s VERY heart breaking.

In the past few weeks, when I sit at the computer and consider writing a blog post, I think, “Oh that’s not important. No one really cares. Stop having fun and get on Craigslist and look for a job, don’t you dare waste time writing some silly thing about running.”

Now, I don’t at all agree with that thought process when it comes to my blogging, I just think my time right now should be spent doing other, more “important” things… whatever those things are, I still have yet to figure out!  Not blogging is almost a punishment, in a way, for being “out of a job” right now.

Luckily, I have awesome friends and conversations with fellow bloggers Jen, Kate, and Andrea helped me to realize that there really IS value in this blog of mine, the words I string together, and my running efforts.  I may never get paid to blog or run but both are a part of my life, a very important part, and I shouldn’t self-punish in the face of this current mental drudgery.  Just like anything in life, I know I must push past this hard part in order to learn and grow.

Okay, so enough of that!  I’m officially getting back on the blogging horse and plan to cover all of my running-related-happenings this past couple months: leg 3 of Ragnar, Color Me Rad 5K, my 3 minute PR at the Half Moon Bay 10K, and completion of the Nike Women’s (Half) Marathon on Sunday.

That’s a lot of catching up to do, but I’m still game if you are!

Has anyone else gone through the stay-at-home-mom-now-out-of-a-job crisis of self?  What did you do about it?  Any advice for me and my mental problems?


14 thoughts on “Mental Problems

  1. I can relate to this post in SO MANY ways, and I have a job! And since I work from home, it sounds like a good way to discuss would be over lunch one day… you game?

  2. Stay strong!!! My kids are 13 and 10 and live is flying by while realizing they will be out of the house sooner than later!!! I have the unique situation of working nights so I take it on myself to clean, laundry and anything else the family needs while they are work or school. The bad thing is I’m gone at night when they are home so it’s a trade off they have dealt with all their lives. You spending time with them is great and valued. Your working out helps them as we’ll as they might need a taxi later in life :)–

  3. Yay, glad you finally wrote this post! I know it’s NOT AT ALL the same thing, but I went through a sorta similar “crisis” last year, having decided to leave academia and a career path that I had trained 11 years for. So yeah, it is really hard to find a new path — something that’s fullfilling AND pays the bills — but you just never know how that’s going to come about. Maybe someone will read your blog or meet you through TNT and then they introduce you to the hiring manager at the job of your dreams?? I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you — I *know* good things will come your way.

  4. I became a stay-at-home “mom” 17 years ago when I moved in with my now husband and his 6 kids. I’ve been SAHM to the next set of 4 since 1999. My youngest is now 3. It’s such a mixed bag…but I love it. If you ever want to talk, hit me up. Also, I’ve gone from blogging at least once a day to maybe once a week while dealing with some big stuff in my own head and real life since about May. There are lots of us here for you 🙂 Hang in there 🙂

    • Thanks Marjorie, I appreciate that! I think the one-post-a-week goal is a good one- I put a lot of pressure on myself to do *things* and do them well! Hahaha- “real” life, not “blog life”, I get it… 😉

  5. I don’t even HAVE kids and I struggle with thoughts like how I worry about being a stay at home mom and how that will impact future career options. How taking time off work if we have a kid will impact how I am able to re-adjust to a full time job. Honestly, it makes me not want to have kids or at least question whether it’s financially responsible or smart to have kids at this point in my life. Then the other part of me is like TICK TOCK!!! I’m 28, husband is 32. It’s time to get on it. Despite people saying “you have plenty of time” I don’t think we do. I don’t want to be 35 or something with a new born. I dunno. Lots to think about.

    • I had my first at 31 so you’ve got time! The working thing is very tough unless you decide to put them in day care, full time. Hubby and I decided it was more important that one of us raise the kids than some stranger but I know some working moms who would NEVER do the stay-at-home thing so day care is the only option! (Day care def has its benefits too!) So, in other words, you can have it all… if you want it!

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